Southpaw

Now there’s a subject which has never bothered me at all - but it never ceases to fascinate people around me. With amazement, fear or horror they watch me doing such everyday things as drinking coffee, cutting some bread or writing a note. “How do you do that? It looks so dangerous! That’s just… weird!” To me, nothing amazing, dangerous or weird is going on… I am just left-handed.

But yet… in Second Life there’s something wrong with me. When I grab my trusty Smith&Wesson (thank you, Rails Bailey!), I hold it in my right hand, with a holster on my right hip. When someone hands me a drink or a pizza slice, I hold it in my right hand. I made a coffee machine and - without even thinking about it - even that puts the virtual paper cup in my right hand.

Granted, I can do a few things with my right hand in Real Life. In the Dutch Army someone decided it was cheaper to have gas masks with just one filter pot - on the left side of the mouth. And so I learned how to shoot the venerable M-1 .30 Carbine shouldered left (when no gas attacks were imminent) as well as right (at which point the act of ’shooting’ became nothing more than just ‘pulling the trigger’ - aiming was pointless, pardon the pun). But in Second Life… I can hardly do a thing with my left hand.

Let’s eh, give it a shot then. Here you see me ready to take aim on my own firing range on SL Volunteer Island (sorry… no access for non-volunteers). In my hands a very nice freebie, the WWII vintage Mauser Kar98, which I downscaled to make it look less like an 18th century muzzle loader. Ask me for one in-world if you’re into noise, falling shells and German WWII gear.

Tough stance, innit? But I’m holding the damn thing wrong! Sure, it looks good, but it isn’t. ‘Kay? Right. So let’s try another approach: attach to left hand.

Hmmm… now the gun is floating somewhere in front of me - not exactly how the Handbook for the Soldier explained firearm safety, back in the day. And look at that stance! Still the same, now holding on to thin air. That won’t do - let’s put it back in my right hand.

Aghk! Talk about shooting yourself in the foot… now the whole carbine is well and truly borked. Good thing I’ve made a box of free giveaways.

Maybe someone could write a script which mirrors everything your avatar does. Just to please us lefties out there. I felt so special… but in Second Life I’ve joined the grey masses of right-handed mediocrity…